Tuesday, November 4, 2014

Eye Opener

So today was a bit of an eye opener for me.  I haven't tracked my food for a while now and it clearly shows.  I have lost grasp of how fast points add up.  I will not even admit to how many points I ate today.  It is shameful.  :(  Now I could make excuses and say well I had a long day (started work at 7am and and off at 12:30 am) and I needed the calories to power through but that would be a lie.  Fact is I could have planned better and chosen healthier things that would have given me the energy I needed.   I did track it all though.  I'm not going to stick my head in the sand any more.  

That being said tomorrow before my overtime at work I will be going to the gym and working my butt off.  No more excuses.  I can't.  I just can't do this anymore.  I can't continue being this fat and feeling this gross.  It's not acceptable.  People say that you should  love yourself the way you are and so should others.  But that's not healthy either.  You shouldn't accept yourself unhealthy.  You should strive to be healthy.  And others who love you should want you happy and healthy as well. 

I sometimes think back to when I was little and I was thin and I ran around like crazy and I really miss those days.  I know it's silly because I was a little kid and now I'm not but I just miss that energy and that lack to stuff myself with food.

I also miss living alone and being able to chose what's in the house to eat.  My dad feels that I should just not eat the bad stuff that he buys.  I try to explain that I didn't get this way by being able to show restrain and stop myself from eating like a pig, but he doesn't care.  It's not convinient for him so that's the way it will stay.  I love m dad but his lack of understanding frustrates me.  He calls himself a realist, I call it jackass behavior. There was a reason after all as to why I moved out.  This was one of them.  Again I love my dad but it's just frustrating.  

My sis on the other hand has buckled down and is eatingn well and exercising and she is losing weight.  She has lost like 9 lbs!  :)

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