A Thought for the Evening....

You know you are too fat when you are lying in bed trying to get comfortable and you think to yourself, "man my big belly is getting in the way" and you aren't 8 or 9 months pregnant.  :(  Sigh.  Oh well.  Good night all. 

Scream, Life Can Make You Want To

Ever feel like you're losing a grip on reality and yourself?  Like everyone and everything is against you?  This is borderline how I feel today.  Everything is irritating me.   I feel like screaming!  I love my friend and want to meet her fiancé, his birthday is today.  HOWEVER, I just want to go home, crawl into bed, put a nice pack on my head and make the day go away.  Sigh.  

I started out so well too.  I have a coworker though, love them, but they are always so negative!  It makes it hard to stay upbeat and not negative.  I don't know how to tell them either.  I don't want to hurt their feelings.  

Today started out so early, as every Saturday and Sunday do for me.  Thank goodness for my friend Lindsay.  She sells Advocare and I bought some Spark from her.  It's a healthy energy drink mix, tasted like orange juice a bit and it's pretty much on par with the effects of coffee or Noz.  Woke me up this morning on my drive to work for sure!  And let me tell ya, when driving 50 miles to work in the morning, an awake Dorota, is a good Dorota.  I really want to try their 24 day challenge.  I think it would be a good way to push my weight loss goals.   :)  If you've never heard of it but I've peeked your interest, check out her site and contact her.  :)  Her site is.... http://advocare.com/130810334

Frustration

I am so frustrated with my body.  If it's not one thing it's another.  Or both.  Or many things.  I thought my headache went away earlier today, but no, it came back in full force.  Excedrin didn't help and the oxy that I still have from my surgery didn't work after the surgery so I doubt it would work on a migraine. 

I have an idea of what's causing the migraines lately, the double dose of progesterone.  Depo shot and IUD make for a lot of progesterone.  In theory, this is supposed to stop my constant period, but is it worth the expense of a constant headache?  Will I eventually get used to it?  How am I supposed to work out with a constant migraine?  Should I just bite the bullet and get the hysterectomy?  

Let me tell you, Tuesday I was pulling out from in front of the house and these kids were walking behind me while I'm pulling out.  And one is mindlessly drawing on the pavement behind my car as I'm trying to back up.  These kids are probably about 8 to 12.  They CLEARLY shod know better.  If I had ever done that when I was little my mom would have had my butt.  But kids these days feel so entitled to everything.  To say what they want, to walk where they want.  They don't have to pay attention because they are the child and we (strangers) have to be responsible for THEIR actions.  It really enforced my not want for children and made me think that maybe a hysterectomy is a blessing for me.  I will be the best aunt and "aunt" to my sisters kid(s) and my friends kids and I will spoil them rotten(but still hold them up to common decency and common sense standards).  I will not allow them to act a fool like a lot of parents allow their kids to do nowadays.  Not acceptable.  

Anyway, I have a post op scheduled for next Tuesday, I will ask my doc all these questions.  For now, I have taken many meds and need to try to go to sleep to make this migraine go away.  Good night all.  Wish me luck. 

Tuesday, Weigh In Day - Dun, Dun, Dun!!!

I went into my weight watchers meeting yesterday and I was fully expecting a gain.  When I was in the shower that morning I had felt "thinner", but clearly I was a bit off.  I wore my lightest outfit and weighed in 0.4 pounds up.  All things considered (surgery and no major movement for about a week) I was OK with that gain.  

My plan was to workout this morning however I woke up with a headache, so I will be going to the gym after work still as my headache has subsided a bit.  And hopefully tomorrow I will wake up with out a headache and be able to kick booty in the morning as well.  I really need to get on it.  My sisters wedding is less then 6 months away and I need to keep my promise to her.  I need to be thinner.  The dress she wants us to wear will not allow for me to be a big girl as I am now.  It will not look right.  I would be too embarrassed to show my face as a big girl in that dress.

So excited though to lose the tummy and back fat and arm and leg fat.  Can't wait to be a hottie.   :)

I will of course keep you updated on my progress.  I'm hoping next Tuesdays weigh in I will be 5 lbs less!  Shoot for the moon and you'll land among the stars right?!

Today

Today I'm driving home from a baby shower and I'm not starving, not even hungry but I am sad and throwing myself a bit of a pitty party.  I'm passing junk food place 1, 2, 3 and I am so tempted.  I'm looking for that (at the split second while I'm eating it gratification) but I know better.  I know that after I have it I will feel guilty and bad and in the long run it's not worth it.  Especially since I have dinner in the crockpot!  Some pork and potatoes.  So I drive past all those fast food places and go to Wal-Mart.  I stock up on veggies and good stuff!  And then I happily drive home to my amazing dinner.  :) 

Pretty proud of myself.  It's a small step but not giving into my pitty party feels pretty awesome.  :) 

Just a shorty today but I will keep you updated on Tuesday for my weigh in.  :)

The week

This week has been a bit busy.  I went to a Weight Watchers meeting on Monday but I weighed in on Tuesday after an appointment I had.  I was down another 0.80 lbs.  Not too shabby.  :)  I really have been trying to eat well even if I'm not exercising and it has been working. 

Yesterday was my surgery and the anesthesia worked really well, I knocked out and woke up a while later.  Due to being drug resistant I was wide awake once I woke up. 

This may be TMI but they found three more polyps which I find strange because, a.) I would have thought they would have seen it when they did the internal ultrasound or, b.) I would have thought the doctor would have seen it when they took out the first one.  My thought on this is that they keep growing.  Doctors don't seem to know what causes them.  The lining of my uterus was unusually thick and my uterus is unusually big so I just don't know what's going on with my body.  If this doesn't work there are two options, the first option is to live life with a constant period, the other option would be to have a hysterectomy and have my uterus taken out.  This truly sucks.  I am almost 30 and the thought that I have to make this decision when so young really pisses me off.  It just doesn't seem fair.  No one ever said that life was fair though right? 

Today I feel a little out of it.  My throat is killing me, probably from the tube that they had down my throat.  My neck muscles and the rest of my body is actually in pain.  Taking some ibuprofen and drinking some peppermint tea.  They gave me a few Oxycodone pills but thankfully I haven't been in enough pain for those.  I was supposed to work today but I really just didn't feel up for it and called out.

I'm hoping within the next week I will be able to start going back to the gym.  I'm really looking forward to being in my routine again.  I really need to step up my game.  0.80 lbs a week is nice but more would be better.  LOL!  :)