It has been a bit of a roller coaster of a week. Jury duty Monday through Friday, then work Saturday and Sunday. My car tire has a nail in it and it has been going flat, but I didn't realize this until Friday night. In the past if the sensor in my car turned on for my tire being low it would be fine by mid day, however this is not the case this week.
I feel like I'm being a bit of a whiner and giving buckets and buckets of excuses, I HATE that. I HATE feeling like I'm just making excuses.
Honestly though I have been SO tired. Between court and work within the last three weeks I have had a total of 2.5 days off. While no, I'm not doing any heavy lifting or strenuous work, not having time to sleep in and rest takes a lot out of you, well it does out of me anyway. I tried to go to sleep early during this time so that I could at least get be somewhat rested, but this is only part of the equation. The other part is getting GOOD sleep, this does not include tossing and turning and turning my bed into a sheet less mess. I have an app on my phone which you turn on and put it on your bed. When you sleep it measures the mattresses movements, the deeper you sleep in theory, the less active your body is and therefore the less movement the app detects. This is determined in percentages, in the last couple of weeks I have been getting between 48% and 76% sleep quality. Not good...clearly. I think this contributed to my nightly headaches. Let me tell you, my liver is not liking me this week, 4 Excedrin Migraines a day just to get rid of a headache, yeeeaaaahhhhh......
I just came back from the Weight Watchers meeting. It was hard and depressing. I am back up by 4.2 lbs. 4.2 LBS!!!! I HATE absolutely hate telling you this. It's so hard for me to admit that I just let myself go so badly. That I allowed myself to lose focus and lose track of my goal. I needed those extra calories to keep going, but I could have used better calories. Every decision this week contributed to that gain.
Earlier this week I was driving...somewhere, I don't remember where at this point, and I drove by McDonald's and Jack in the Box and many other restaurants that I like and are quick and that I was craving, I drove by so many of them and as I'm driving by my resolve is weakening. My brain is saying "no, you don't need or want that", but then as all this food keeps being shoved in my face as I drive by and I am tired, frustrated and sad it just took hold of me. I went from thinking "no, you don't need or want that;" to "F this, I am too tired and sad to worry about it this week. I need that."
Tomorrow starts my work week. I FINALLY finished jury duty! Today we delivered the verdict and I was home around 1. Tomorrow I will be going back to work, so now it's back to a routine. Supreme 90 day video in the morning before work Wednesday, Thursday and Friday and the gym on my way home. Saturday I will do the gym and video after work as I start work early and honestly, I'm not going to get up at 4:30am to work out. Sundays will be my off days, Between work and family time I just don't see it happening. Mondays and Tuesdays are going to be tough, since I am off and the gym is about 30 miles from my house. HOWEVER, I think the solution to this is to do the video at some point, not long after I get up probably and maybe run stairs in the house. I'm still figuring this out, but I sure as heck will not have a gain again. I can't afford it.
I was thinking about my birthday and I decided that there is a specific dress that I want to wear that day. That dress is a size medium. I am currently about an extra, extra large, the inch difference between the two sizes is 10 inches! 10! UFTA! But I think I can do it. Will it be easy? Clearly given the last few weeks, NO WAY! But I will keep at it. If I stop, that's when I will have failed. I refuse. There are two motivating factors, well 5, being healthy, not being the fat person in the group, the wedding next year, my birthday and the job. The job is the thing that has really been driving me lately.
So that is my story this week. Hard to face but at this point I can't go back in time and change it, so time to move forward.
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