December

I know I haven't written for a while now.  My weight loss journey has hit a bit of a speed bump.  I'm maintaining my weight, but December is a very hard month for me.  My mom passed away a couple of years ago in December.  This used to be my favorite month.  It was my mom's "nameday"(a Polish holiday) on the 4th, her birthday on the 6th, my parents anniversary on the 8th, then of course Christamas, my birthday on the 26th and then New Years Eve.  It was a big month for celebrations.  Then 2 years ago, December 9th, 2011 my mom passed away.  I was really close with her and her death hit me like a ton of bricks.  I hate December now.  All I correlate it with is her death.  For the past two years every time the time comes closer I have a harder time with everything.  And slowly every day as the month goes on I cry more every day.  People say it gets easier with time but so far it has just gotten harder.   I tried to separate my feeling from it this year and I planned my "Dirty 30" but as time got closer I realized I couldn't seperate the two.  I canceled my dirty 30.  People asked me why, people said oh you should still celebrate that your mom brought you into this world.  But I can't.  It's just too hard.  With everything that's been going on as well I just feel too overwhelmed.  

In January I'm going to start a new job and so this has sped up the clock on all my medical crap.  I have an appointment for an MRI of my uterus on Thursday.  So far all the stuff they have done hasn't worked so the likelyhood is that I have some disorder or disease that gives me a constant period.  So.... Hysterectomy here I come.  I have to get it done though at least 4 weeks(recovery period) before 1/27/14 so that I can have FMLA otherwise I don't know what I'm going to do at my new job.  I really don't want another year of this and that is how long I'd have to wait after going to the new job.

I have really dealt with the fact that I won't be able to have children.  I mean I am going to be a cop so no kid to worry about it's mom coming home.  So that's a plus.  Plus I can adopt.  Plus should I ever want a little Dorota running around, I believe, since they are leaving in my ovaries they should be able to extract eggs after and implant them into a serrogate.   So really there are many options.  I mean I have a friend whose parents adopted several children and those kids were blessed to be taken away from harmful situations and be given good lives.  

Would it be easy? Well duh, of course not, but what ever really is?  Life is hard.  Life finds ways to kick you when you're down and then kick you some more.  BUT you have to get up right?!  I mean I miss my mom SOO ridiculously much every day but I can't give up.  I'm only about to turn 30!  If I gave up my mom would kick my ass in my dreams.  She would be so mad at me.  That's not how she raised me.  

So this year I am trying to change things a bit. I decided to start a new(for us) Christmas tradition.  Something new to give me barrier for the holidays.  I bought Christmas stockings and holders and put fun things in them.  One for me, one for my papa, one for my sis, one for my soon to be brother(in law) and one for each of the puppers. 

This is my way of trying to pick myself up.  What's yours?  What do you do when times are tough and you think you won't get through it? 

Sometimes I play Daniel Bedingfields song "Gotta Get Through This".  Those words and the up beat tempo sometimes are a good motivator.  No matter what we will get through this.  There are so many people and animals for that matter that are so much less fortunate then I.  I feel ashamed for moping at times.  I will get through this.  Will life kick me when I'm down?  Yeah, probably, but no one ever said life would be easy or fair right?

Alright well I have jumped around and gone from sad to positive, back to sad and back to even almost inspirational.  I hope someone takes something good out of this and passes it on to someone who may need it. Good night all.  :)

A Thought for the Evening....

You know you are too fat when you are lying in bed trying to get comfortable and you think to yourself, "man my big belly is getting in the way" and you aren't 8 or 9 months pregnant.  :(  Sigh.  Oh well.  Good night all. 

Scream, Life Can Make You Want To

Ever feel like you're losing a grip on reality and yourself?  Like everyone and everything is against you?  This is borderline how I feel today.  Everything is irritating me.   I feel like screaming!  I love my friend and want to meet her fiancé, his birthday is today.  HOWEVER, I just want to go home, crawl into bed, put a nice pack on my head and make the day go away.  Sigh.  

I started out so well too.  I have a coworker though, love them, but they are always so negative!  It makes it hard to stay upbeat and not negative.  I don't know how to tell them either.  I don't want to hurt their feelings.  

Today started out so early, as every Saturday and Sunday do for me.  Thank goodness for my friend Lindsay.  She sells Advocare and I bought some Spark from her.  It's a healthy energy drink mix, tasted like orange juice a bit and it's pretty much on par with the effects of coffee or Noz.  Woke me up this morning on my drive to work for sure!  And let me tell ya, when driving 50 miles to work in the morning, an awake Dorota, is a good Dorota.  I really want to try their 24 day challenge.  I think it would be a good way to push my weight loss goals.   :)  If you've never heard of it but I've peeked your interest, check out her site and contact her.  :)  Her site is.... http://advocare.com/130810334

Frustration

I am so frustrated with my body.  If it's not one thing it's another.  Or both.  Or many things.  I thought my headache went away earlier today, but no, it came back in full force.  Excedrin didn't help and the oxy that I still have from my surgery didn't work after the surgery so I doubt it would work on a migraine. 

I have an idea of what's causing the migraines lately, the double dose of progesterone.  Depo shot and IUD make for a lot of progesterone.  In theory, this is supposed to stop my constant period, but is it worth the expense of a constant headache?  Will I eventually get used to it?  How am I supposed to work out with a constant migraine?  Should I just bite the bullet and get the hysterectomy?  

Let me tell you, Tuesday I was pulling out from in front of the house and these kids were walking behind me while I'm pulling out.  And one is mindlessly drawing on the pavement behind my car as I'm trying to back up.  These kids are probably about 8 to 12.  They CLEARLY shod know better.  If I had ever done that when I was little my mom would have had my butt.  But kids these days feel so entitled to everything.  To say what they want, to walk where they want.  They don't have to pay attention because they are the child and we (strangers) have to be responsible for THEIR actions.  It really enforced my not want for children and made me think that maybe a hysterectomy is a blessing for me.  I will be the best aunt and "aunt" to my sisters kid(s) and my friends kids and I will spoil them rotten(but still hold them up to common decency and common sense standards).  I will not allow them to act a fool like a lot of parents allow their kids to do nowadays.  Not acceptable.  

Anyway, I have a post op scheduled for next Tuesday, I will ask my doc all these questions.  For now, I have taken many meds and need to try to go to sleep to make this migraine go away.  Good night all.  Wish me luck. 

Tuesday, Weigh In Day - Dun, Dun, Dun!!!

I went into my weight watchers meeting yesterday and I was fully expecting a gain.  When I was in the shower that morning I had felt "thinner", but clearly I was a bit off.  I wore my lightest outfit and weighed in 0.4 pounds up.  All things considered (surgery and no major movement for about a week) I was OK with that gain.  

My plan was to workout this morning however I woke up with a headache, so I will be going to the gym after work still as my headache has subsided a bit.  And hopefully tomorrow I will wake up with out a headache and be able to kick booty in the morning as well.  I really need to get on it.  My sisters wedding is less then 6 months away and I need to keep my promise to her.  I need to be thinner.  The dress she wants us to wear will not allow for me to be a big girl as I am now.  It will not look right.  I would be too embarrassed to show my face as a big girl in that dress.

So excited though to lose the tummy and back fat and arm and leg fat.  Can't wait to be a hottie.   :)

I will of course keep you updated on my progress.  I'm hoping next Tuesdays weigh in I will be 5 lbs less!  Shoot for the moon and you'll land among the stars right?!

Today

Today I'm driving home from a baby shower and I'm not starving, not even hungry but I am sad and throwing myself a bit of a pitty party.  I'm passing junk food place 1, 2, 3 and I am so tempted.  I'm looking for that (at the split second while I'm eating it gratification) but I know better.  I know that after I have it I will feel guilty and bad and in the long run it's not worth it.  Especially since I have dinner in the crockpot!  Some pork and potatoes.  So I drive past all those fast food places and go to Wal-Mart.  I stock up on veggies and good stuff!  And then I happily drive home to my amazing dinner.  :) 

Pretty proud of myself.  It's a small step but not giving into my pitty party feels pretty awesome.  :) 

Just a shorty today but I will keep you updated on Tuesday for my weigh in.  :)

The week

This week has been a bit busy.  I went to a Weight Watchers meeting on Monday but I weighed in on Tuesday after an appointment I had.  I was down another 0.80 lbs.  Not too shabby.  :)  I really have been trying to eat well even if I'm not exercising and it has been working. 

Yesterday was my surgery and the anesthesia worked really well, I knocked out and woke up a while later.  Due to being drug resistant I was wide awake once I woke up. 

This may be TMI but they found three more polyps which I find strange because, a.) I would have thought they would have seen it when they did the internal ultrasound or, b.) I would have thought the doctor would have seen it when they took out the first one.  My thought on this is that they keep growing.  Doctors don't seem to know what causes them.  The lining of my uterus was unusually thick and my uterus is unusually big so I just don't know what's going on with my body.  If this doesn't work there are two options, the first option is to live life with a constant period, the other option would be to have a hysterectomy and have my uterus taken out.  This truly sucks.  I am almost 30 and the thought that I have to make this decision when so young really pisses me off.  It just doesn't seem fair.  No one ever said that life was fair though right? 

Today I feel a little out of it.  My throat is killing me, probably from the tube that they had down my throat.  My neck muscles and the rest of my body is actually in pain.  Taking some ibuprofen and drinking some peppermint tea.  They gave me a few Oxycodone pills but thankfully I haven't been in enough pain for those.  I was supposed to work today but I really just didn't feel up for it and called out.

I'm hoping within the next week I will be able to start going back to the gym.  I'm really looking forward to being in my routine again.  I really need to step up my game.  0.80 lbs a week is nice but more would be better.  LOL!  :)

A Lose!

As I wrote yesterday I was fully expecting a gain this week, but I was rewarded once again!  I lost 1.6 lbs!  Given in 2 weeks that's not tremendous, HOWEVER, given I thought I was going to gain, it's huge for me.  It got me excited and gave me hope. Tomorrow my work week starts and so do my workouts.  Pretty excited about getting back in the gym after not going for so long. 

Thursday is Halloween, sadly I probably won't be home until about 8:30(if I skip the gym) which means I will miss most of the trick or treaters.  Even thought I'm not a fan of kids, on Halloween they look adorable all dressed up!  I am dressing up for work tomorrow!  A friend is lending me these goggles to complete my outfit, super perfect for it!  I am dressing up as a minion.  I took a selfie of myself in the mirror, kind of blurry, but you get the idea.  :)

Well it's almost time for bed, I have to drop off my sisters puppers at her house before work so I have to be up a little early tomorrow.  Good night all!  :)

A Heck of Couple Weeks

Between being sick and my last doctors visit I have not been wanting or been able to work out.  And now it's so hard to get back into it.  It always happens like this.  I get on a good track of exercising and then I get sick and a couple weeks later my lazy bones mode takes over and it's hard to get back into the gym.  I need to go back.  I need to start over.  Tuesday I need to go into the Weight Watchers meeting and face the facts.  Last Tuesday I didn't go into a meeting because I had an interview during that time and I feel like I missed something.

I really didn't think this would be this hard.  I knew it would be hard, don't get me wrong.  But this is so much harder.  I am so tired.  I struggle with the idea of the surgery and I struggle with decisions that should come naturally.  I know that the right decision between a burger and lets say some chicken is the chicken but sometimes I just have such a ridiculous craving and I have a hard time controlling the portions.  Sometimes it seems like the craving just goes on for too long and not being able to control that scares me a bit.

Some are amazed at how ridiculous open and honest I have been in this blog.  I really feel the need to be though.  I know that if I'm not honest it won't help me or anyone else who may read this.  Plus I know that if I start being half truthful it's all down hill from there.

I have to admit I'm starting to doubt my ability to lose enough weight by my dirty 30 event.  I have about 60 pounds to loose in the next 6, almost 7 weeks.  Nearly 10 pounds a week.  I really doubt this is possible at this point.  I feel so disappointed in myself.  This has been an on going battle for so many years and I feel like I just can't win.  Self doubt is such a dangerous thing.  When I get into that mode I try to listen to my gym workout list.  I have upbeat, empowering songs on there that help get me out of that mood.  Some days I have to listen longer then others.  I guess that's the way life rolls though right?  Ups, downs, twists and turns.  Sigh.

Well it's time for me to get to sleep.  I have an interview, part 2 tomorrow.  Good night all and wish me luck!

Not Too Shabby

This week I walked into Weight Watchers confident that I had gained.  Amazingly enough though I had lost 0.8 lbs.  now given that is not what I'm shooting for, however given that I was sick and missed the gym I really can't complain, especially since I thought I was going to gain.  I will take that 0.8 lbs and I will do my happy dance.  :)

Halloween is right around the corner and I am excited!  I've always enjoyed Halloween.  Being with friends, dancing, enjoying things.  Love it.  Every year since high school I have been a "sexy" something, devil, cop, fallen angel, blah, blah, blah.  This year I decided to go comfortable!  I am going to be a minion(from the movie Despicable Me). I decided though to piece my costume together and not get a generic one from the store.  I have to admit I did a pretty dang good job!   My hat....

I went to Value Village and got overalls and a yellow sweater.  At WalMart I got the hat, black pipe cleaners, goggles and shoes.  Under $40 for everything and mine is better then the generic.  :)

This week has been such a roller coaster emotionally.  Especially yesterday and today.  This next part gets very personal, so if you don't want to know this much about me I suggest switching to a different post.  

I have had a continues period for years.  My doctor tried different pills and they didn't work, what they decided is that it was a polyp on my cervix.  So they took that off(not fun....at all), well the bleeding still continued so now they want to do surgery.  Remove anything left of the polyp and see what else could be going on.  Neither the doctor nor I believe it is the polyp. 

It wasn't really until yesterday after the pre-op appointment and when I was heading home from my friends house that it really hit me.  If this doesn't work the next steps would really involve cauterizing the uterus or cervix(I can't remember at this point)so that it doesn't bleed.  What that would mean is no kids. Well either that or staying with a constant period.  Neither sound appealing.  Now mind you for years I have been saying that I don't want kids, I'm not a fan of kids, they scare me.  However what if things change?  My mom said the same thing when she was my age but when she met and married my dad she decided she had to have children.  I am not even thirty yet, I don't want to make such a permanent decision.  There is the egg freezing option but from what I've read it is expensive and not covered by insurance.  So there it is.  

Honestly, I am scared shitless for this surgery.  I've never had as much as a broken bone in my body.  The idea of being under anesthesia scares me.  You can either be given too little and you wake up during the operation or too much and you can die.  My body doesn't accept medicine very well, Vicodin when I had it in the past for tooth pain didn't touch it, didn't do anything.  So what if I do wake up during the procedure.  

What bothers me though as well is that I told a couple people about this and they came up with some(in my opinion) stupid things.  Like oh don't be scared, or you can't be afraid of what hasn't happened, or if you die then at least you won't have anything to worry about anymore.   

I'm not saying my fear is completely rational and yeah maybe I am blowing this way out of proportion but that is some half assed shit to say.  These mind you are some of my best friends and/or family.  I always try to be there for people and this made me feel a bit abandoned.  To the point where honestly I don't know that I want much to do with these people right now.  I feel like my friendship is one sided.  I'm on the verge of just deleting my Facebook too.  It has been annoying me lately anyway and I just don't know that I care that much anymore.  I kind of wish I could move to another state and start over.  I know it sounds so drastic but I just feel so overwhelmed and confused.  I didn't even go to work today.  I spent hours last night crying about this and I had a major migraine when I woke up.  When I did wake up I continued to cry a little longer.  

I know that there are people out there with much worse situations and that I should really be thankful that this is all that's the matter.  But I can't help but throw myself a pitty party right now.  

A Long Day

When it comes down to it I realize that I got up at 7ish and now it's only a little after 11, but with still not being 100% and popping DayQuil today at work like that was my job. It made for a bit of rough day back. 

Work was a little all over the place, slow and fast and then slow again.  Got a nice surprise though, it's employee appreciation week at my job and we each got two AMC tickets and two popcorn balls and a pair of sunglasses.  The sunglasses are not the coolest thing but for a free pair and if I'm in need they will do just fine.  I devoured the popcorn balls, delish. And am looking forward to using the tickets.  Hmmmmm, who to take?  :)  Other then the popcorn balls and the mini pretzel bags I did pretty dang good today.  I was tired (still sick and all) and I have to admit I had a hard time not over indulging in the calories. 

No gym sadly.  I had to make a stop at my sisters house and I don't think she would have appreciated me stopping by around 9:30 or 10, especially since she's fighting off a cold as well.  Now I love my sister, we are actually very tight, but I am worried about her.  Her wedding as I mentioned before, is in May.  She keeps trying these quick weightloss tricks and then she gives up on it.  It's such a yoyo effect on her that I'm worried she won't fit into her dress that she bought in the size she wants to be for the wedding, and more importantly that she is harming her body.  She is taller then I am and weighs about 10 lbs less but she is still far from being at a healthy weight.  She was never like this is the problem and when her thyroid, like mine went wacko it has made it hard for her to lose weight. I tried to talk to her but she didn't take me seriously and just laughed it off.  I don't know what to do.  

After my sisters I stopped by my friends house to drop off a DVD and went home.  I wasn't going to cook, I was going to just go to bed but I remembered that I don't have anything for lunch tomorrow.  So I cooked up some amazingness for dinner and leftovers for lunch.  Yummy!

OHHHHH, I can't believe I almost forgot! I am sad to report I gained 1.8 lbs.  Boooooo!  I am not a happy camper.  I in all honesty was almost expecting for it to be worse, however that still doesn't make it ok.  Back to the gym tomorrow!  Woot!  Well I guess that's it for today, good night all!

Boo Boo to Sickiness

The last week or so I haven't been feeling well.  I think this may be in part why I have been so tired, my body was trying to kick this thing and finally it couldn't. 

Thank goodness I had arranged to have Saturday and Sunday off for my friends dirty 30 birthday.  We kept it pretty low key, went out to dinner and had vodka soaked gummy bears and jello shots and played board games.  A great night but Sunday I woke up with a swollen uvula to the point of gagging on it.  Thank goodness for Dayquil.  I took some and the swelling went down.  When I got home I slept and then I slept some more and oh yeah today I slept some more.  I feel so much better today though.  I woke up without a swollen uvula and my fever was down.  Now of course I can't really sleep but I will attempt to in a moment. 

Sadly this does mean that I am expecting a bad weigh in tomorrow.  Most people lose weight when they are sick because they have a hard time eating, yeeeeeaaaahhh that's not me.  Because I'm at home I tend to eat more and with not moving much I haven't worked it off.  Even my ActiveLink is saying 0 points burned.  Makes me sad.  Oh well. 

Friday I am going shopping with a friend for new running and or training shoes.  I'm honestly not sure which ones I need.  From the research I've done it seems like the more appropriate shoes would be cross trainers.  My friend loves to run so I know she will help guide me in the right direction.  We will hit up maybe Famous Footwear, Sports Authority and Big 5 Sporting Goods.  She is a fan of Asics and I have heard great things about them.  I tried to read reviews for this years shoes online but every article had a different shoe as their favorite.  I don't think any of them take all the shoes and test them, they probably just test a few and that makes things a little inconsistent.  I think the key is to try them on and see how they feel.  It can make it a little expensive, if the ones you choose don't work out, however this is why I'm taking my friend.  :)

Alright, now that it's 1 am I think I should attempt this thing called sleep again.  No other way to get better then to let your body rest and do it's recovery thing.

Good night all.  I will keep you updated on my weigh in tomorrow.  Good or bad, you know I won't lie to you.  :)

Working Hard for my...GOAL!

I have to admit I have been super tired lately...still!  Ufta!  To the point where on Monday I had a doctors appointment in the morning, then I went for lunch with my friend and then since I was up north I decided to go to the gym.  Well, yeah, I went to the gym.  I got as far as the parking lot.  I parked the car and I knocked out.  For about twenty minutes to half an hour I was out like a light.  So when I woke up I went home, no gym for me.  I went to bed and laid down for a nap.  I set my alarm to leave about an hour later to the martial arts class, yeah, that did NOT happen.  I woke up a few times in between when I laid down and morning but only for a minute and then I was out again.  My alarm for Weight Watchers apparently didn't faze me either.  I woke up at 9am, the time I'm supposed to leave for Weight Watchers.  Took a quick shower and I was off. 

The weigh in went well.  I was down 1.4 lbs!  Not too shabby.  Not what I was shooting for, but better then nothing and definitely better then gaining.  :)  Then I had a pretty productive day, got my oil changed, changed the filter in my car, ALL BY MYSELF!  Ok, yes it is SUPER easy, however I have never done that before so I was pretty proud of myself.  YouTubed it and got it done.  Did laundry, cleaned my bathroom, and then went to dinner at my friends house. 

Today was better, I felt a bit more rested though still like I could sleep all day.  I did go to the gym and didn't fall asleep in the parking lot this time.  LOL!  I kicked my butt.  I stopped when I thought I was going to throw up.  I did a half hour on the Arc Trainer and in half an hour I did 1.7 miles, last time I did the Arc Trainer I did 1.65 miles in half an hour.  So a small improvement, but still an improvement, I will take it!  :)  What was a little strange is that last time I burned off 517 calories and this time I only burned off 516 calories, even though I did 0.05 more of a mile.  I also did a Back Extension Machine and the Torso Rotation Machine.

Next week I am house sitting for a friend and she fairly recently got a new mattress, so I think this will let me see if maybe I just need a new mattress and that's why I'm sleeping so bad.  I have had my mattress since before I was 21, so about 10 years.  We shall see what develops.  :)

Well I'm going to cut up some meat and head to bed.  Good night all!

A New Favorite Cardio Machine

Hello all!  It has been a long day.  Work for some reason seemed to go on forever.  It just dragged on and on.  Traffic was awful on the way home, I think there was an accident on 405 south and so I was thankful for the exit for the gym.  For more then one reason.  First reason I was thankful was of course the traffic, AWFUL!  The second and really more important reason is I really wanted to go to the gym.  I was tired but I was so excited to kick my booty.  Test myself and see how far I can push myself. 

Well I found a new favorite machine for cardio.  The Arc Trainer.  I went so fast and hard on that machine that in half an hour I burned 517 calories, and traveled 1.65 miles.  I went so fast that the machine more then half the time kept telling me MAX SPEED and my heart rate got up as high as 170 BPM.  Beast mode was definitely enabled today.  No excuses, no "reasons".

I edited my workout play list and cut it down to 5 and put them on repeat.  They have a fast pace and a good beat and really get you in the I can't be stopped mood.  My list consists of "Bullet Proof" by La Roux, "Can't Be Tamed" by Miley Cyrus, "Roar" by Katy Perry, "Survivor" by Destiny's Child and lastly "You Gotta Want It" by Jordin Sparks.  Love it.  :)

I plugged in my ActiveLink and it only came in with 2 points burned off.  Which given my butt kicking was a little disappointing BUT it's ok.  It's definitely better then what I was doing and I'm sure it will help me weigh in less on Tuesday.  :)

Now it's time for bed, 6am comes way too quickly.  Good night all!

Meh...

Today I was a little naughty with my food, HOWEVER not too awful.  We had a potluck at work as a going away for my supervisor and there was meaty, spicy cheese, some pin wheels, some sandwiches, pumpkin cake, and of course chips and dip.  The key to today was that I had a little bit of everything, but a fairly small amount.  It did leave me full until the end of the day amazingly.

I did of course go to the gym.  I'm not going to lie, I almost didn't.  All these stupid excuses circled in my mind.  "My ankles hurt", "I'm so tired, I got awful sleep again last night", "I don't feel too good", "there are new shows premiering on TV today".  I shook off those stupid excuses and I went.  I decided; yeah my ankles hurt, but I can do a low impact workout and my tennis shoes will provide support.  Yeah, I am super tired tonight, but honestly, lately, when am I not tired?  I seem to always have a bad nights sleep, so I really can't use that as an excuse, if I did I would never workout.  Plus in theory the more I workout the more energy I will have.  Not feeling good isn't that critical either.  Usually I feel better after a workout and not doing a workout will make me feel worse due to the guilt.  And last but certainly not least, the TV shows.  That is such a lame excuse.  A couple hours of TV and relaxing on my butt doing nothing is not going to get me where I want to be and what I want to do.  Sitting around helped get me this fat, I can't allow TV to become a reason to be fat and not get what I want.

So I went to the gym, did the elliptical, did a more intense ab workout and only stopped when I thought I was going to throw up.  A good workout indeed.  Hooked up my ActiveLink to the computer to check my progress for the day, make sure I didn't need to run stairs and discovered I worked off 3 points today.  Yup, kicking butt, taking names.  Kinda proud of myself.  Feeling good, relatively.

Well it's bed time.  Time to rest up for tomorrow.  Good night all!  :)

Weigh In Time!

I forgot to post yesterday, however I did go to my Weight Watchers meeting and weighed in 4.8 lbs lighter!  My butt kicking clearly paid off!  :)  I was very excited about that.  Back on track and going strong.  

Today I'm off and hanging out with my friend who hurt her ankle.  But later on tonight I'm doing a self defense class.  What's really cool is it's free, AND a friend of mine is going to join me.  This ought to get my blood pumping I hope. I wasn't sure what the class would consist of but then I remembered the person that told me about it said I'd get to beat him up, so I think it will be a work out. Kinda excited about it. 

I also signed up for 3 martial arts classes to try that out. Always wanted to do martial arts.   I figured it will be helpful for the deputy sheriff position in a few months, hopefully in a few months.  :)

A Roller Coaster of a Day

Today was such a weird day!  I had my ups and I had my downs and I had my confusions. 

My day started out awesome!  On Wednesday I decided to measure my waist, hips, and bust, I think I posted a picture of that a couple days ago.  WELL today I re-measured myself and I was down one inch in the hips, one inch in the bust and one and a half inches in the waist!  In 3 days!  I was so ridiculous excited!  It made me believe that I can get down to a size medium in 3 months!

Then at work we were playing UNO between calls because it was pretty darn slow and a couple of friends took a picture of us playing and posted it on Facebook.  That was a bit of a wakeup call.  That was depressing.  That was frustrating.  (I'm the one in the blue print shirt, yeah no makeup today.)

 

The below picture shows how I drew myself in my Weight Watchers book exercise.  The drawing was to depict how I saw myself at the beginning of my journey.  I realize now, given the above pictures from today, how actually appropriate that picture is.  When I showed people that drawing they laughed and said "you don't look like that".  But I really do, it's not that far off.  It's a bad excuse but this is part of the reason why and how I got this way.  People always told me no, you aren't that big, you're not fat.  It really creates a false sense of comfort, it creates a false sense of comfort.  It creates denial.  Now don't get me wrong, I'm not saying people should go around telling people they are fat, but don't tell people who are size 18/20 plus, yeah you are the perfect size.  I am currently a size 18/20, I am nowhere near the perfect size.  I am not healthy.  I have sleep apnea, high blood pressure and am constantly tired.  This is where "you are not big or you are not fat" and self denial has gotten me.  Sad but true.

I went from climbing the roller coaster, feeling excitement, feeling happy and those butterflies in my stomach, to a plummeting feeling of dread as the roller coaster shot down.  I felt scared and doubtful and worried.  All my self insecurities climbing to the top. 

After work I went to the gym and due to short weekend hours I had less then an hour to get in, change, work out and get out.  I used my time fairly well I thought.  Did half an hour on the treadmill and sweated up a storm.  Figured out where I'm at with my distance per minute and where I need to go.  The first picture is where I'm at now for distance per minute.  The next picture shows what I need to pump it up to.  UFTA!!!

 

 

When I got home though and plugged in my ActiveLink (which decided to work), that was another up moment in this roller coaster day.  I earned 2 points today with my exercise.  My goal per day is 1 point per day, so not too shabby.

Reflecting on this day has been mind blowing and I am ready for bed.  Good night all.  Sleep well.  :)

A Quick Thought

As I lay in bed tonight my brain is racing. Nothing really special, nothing really too important but it's not wanting to turn off.  

There's a chill in the air again tonight and I brought out my comforter to add to my fluffy blanket.  I love the feeling of a chill in the air and snuggling up with a blanket.  

Tonight I got in a pretty good workout.  Not exactly everything I wanted todo, but the gym closes early Fridays so I only had about an hour by the time I got down there after work.  I did kick my booty though.  I was driving home and felt something wet on my neck, I quickly realized it was my sweat from the workout.  Lol.  :)

At work we had a pizza and cupcake party for our training graduates.  That was hard.  I definitely went over my point allowance, but because I have been working hard I am ok with it.  :)  I indulged a bit.  

Fantastic news!  My ActiveLink decided to start working!  So excited!  For those not familiar with the ActiveLink, it's a fancy shmancy pedometer essentially.  It counts a wider range of movements and turns it into points.  What I love is that went you set it down with a little force it lights up to show your progress for the day.  It goes by 25%, up to 150%, today I maxed it out and went beyond! Over 160%!  Woot!  Love it.  

I am really looking forward to weighing in on Tuesday, getting back to my group of Weight Watchers people.  :) 

Tomorrow, willing I get off work on time I will be going to the gym of course.  I think I'm a bit addicted to the feeling.  I'm ok with it.  There are far worse things to be addicted to!  :)

I had to share this last tid bit as well.  I was looking through my new crockpots manual/cookbook.  It is funny the assembly instructions they put in there.  I mean I didn't think the first one was necessary, let alone the second one.  Check out this picture....

Scary right?!  What makes me sad is that there is probably a reason why they would put that in the manual.  Oh well.

Well ladies and gents, it is time to try to go to sleep again. 

Good night all!  :)

Butt Kicked

I think my body is trying to tell me something, I think that something is REST!  Lol!  :)  Today I set my alarm for 6 to do the video and once again I don't even remember it going off!  After work however I kicked my booty!  

I had a cup of water, at least 16 oz if not more and I drank the whole thing while I worked out, normally, even on my harder days I drink maybe half.  On my way out I had to buy a bottle of water because I was still thirsty.  

Felt so good though.  Every time I work out I love that feeling of being worn out and feeling accomplished.  When I was in college I would go to the school gym between classes during my 2 hour break and I lost a bunch of weight.  Went from a 16/18 to a 12 petites.  Then somewhere along the line I stopped going.  It's amazing how quickly you forget not only the good but bad things, the pain or the feeling of success.  

I think it's somewhere along the line of what women go through after they have a baby.  Now given, I do not say this from personal experience as I do not have children, HOWEVER, it seems that for most women child birth is very painful, a lot of them to my understanding say they will never do it again, and then a year or so later, they are craving another baby.  They have forgotten the pain it seems.  Now again, not from personal experience so if I'm wrong I apologize!  :)  Anyway, my point is, the same thing happens with the good.  I feel awesome after a workout but if I skip a week because I'm sick or whatever the case may be, it is so hard to get back into that mind set.  I forget how good I feel after a hard workout and think about the short term good feeling of sitting my booty on the couch and resting.

This my friends I will not allow to happen this time around.  My work is doing flu shots and you better believe I already signed myself up. With the nasty stuff going around my office lately I can't wait for that day to come!  I hate being sick(duh, who enjoys it right?) but I can't afford to be sick if I want to be a size medium by mid December.  No rest for this girl.  :)

Like I said on Facebook earlier today, beast mode activated.  Pumped and ready to go.  :)  Alright all, have to get to bed.  Sleep well!   :)

Good Re-Start

Ok, in all fairness I didn't wake up in time to do the video this morning.  I don't even remember the alarm going off!  However, I went to work of course and after work I went to the gym.  Kicked my butt!  Felt so good.  It's amazing how a week can make such a difference.  I left off being able to do 20 minutes on an elliptical without any issues, today I was able to do 10 minutes.  By the end of the week I will be back up to 20 at the very least.  

I have to admit, I took my measurements today and compared them with what size I want to be by my dirty 30.   To say it was daunting is an understatement.  It made me doubt myself and my ability to lose the weight I want to by 12/14.  But I know I can't let it get to me.  This is why I kicked my butt at the gym.  I have to prove to myself that I can do it.  

Dinner was so yummy today. I had only 4 points left for the day, so I had 12 mini wontons that I got at Costco.  At about a point per 4, it allowed me to stay within my limit.  I added some cherry tomatoes for a little more filling.  So delicious.  I love finding quick to make meals that are healthy.

Sadly my ActiveLink decided to go kaput.  Not sure why.  Some things on it work but not all, the most important part, the part that counts movements doesn't.  Sad day for me.  I'm going to have to call them and see if it's an easy fix or if I need a new one.  Lets hope for an easy fix.   

Now it's off to bed I go so that hopefully I can wake up in time to do the video.  Lets home for a restFULL not restLESS night.  Good night all!  :)

Slacking on the Posting

I want to apologize for slacking on the posting the last few days...week almost I should say.

It has been a bit of a roller coaster of a week.  Jury duty Monday through Friday, then work Saturday and Sunday.  My car tire has a nail in it and it has been going flat, but I didn't realize this until Friday night.  In the past if the sensor in my car turned on for my tire being low it would be fine by mid day, however this is not the case this week.

I feel like I'm being a bit of a whiner and giving buckets and buckets of excuses, I HATE that.  I HATE feeling like I'm just making excuses. 

Honestly though I have been SO tired.  Between court and work within the last three weeks I have had a total of 2.5 days off.  While no, I'm not doing any heavy lifting or strenuous work,  not having time to sleep in and rest takes a lot out of you, well it does out of me anyway.  I tried to go to sleep early during this time so that I could at least get be somewhat rested, but this is only part of the equation.  The other part is getting GOOD sleep, this does not include tossing and turning and turning my bed into a sheet less mess.  I have an app on my phone which you turn on and put it on your bed.  When you sleep it measures the mattresses movements, the deeper you sleep in theory, the less active your body is and therefore the less movement the app detects.  This is determined in percentages, in the last couple of weeks I have been getting between 48% and 76% sleep quality.  Not good...clearly.  I think this contributed to my nightly headaches.  Let me tell you, my liver is not liking me this week, 4 Excedrin Migraines a day just to get rid of a headache, yeeeaaaahhhhh......

I just came back from the Weight Watchers meeting.  It was hard and depressing.  I am back up by 4.2 lbs.  4.2 LBS!!!!  I HATE absolutely hate telling you this.  It's so hard for me to admit that I just let myself go so badly.  That I allowed myself to lose focus and lose track of my goal.  I needed those extra calories to keep going, but I could have used better calories.  Every decision this week contributed to that gain. 

Earlier this week I was driving...somewhere, I don't remember where at this point, and I drove by McDonald's and Jack in the Box and many other restaurants that I like and are quick and that I was craving, I drove by so many of them and as I'm driving by my resolve is weakening.  My brain is saying "no, you don't need or want that", but then as all this food keeps being shoved in my face as I drive by and I am tired, frustrated and sad it just took hold of me.  I went from thinking "no, you don't need or want that;" to "F this, I am too tired and sad to worry about it this week.  I need that."

Tomorrow starts my work week.  I FINALLY finished jury duty!  Today we delivered the verdict and I was home around 1.  Tomorrow I will be going back to work, so now it's back to a routine.  Supreme 90 day video in the morning before work Wednesday, Thursday and Friday and the gym on my way home.  Saturday I will do the gym and video after work as I start work early and honestly, I'm not going to get up at 4:30am to work out.  Sundays will be my off days, Between work and family time I just don't see it happening.  Mondays and Tuesdays are going to be tough, since I am off and the gym is about 30 miles from my house.  HOWEVER, I think the solution to this is to do the video at some point, not long after I get up probably and maybe run stairs in the house.  I'm still figuring this out, but I sure as heck will not have a gain again.  I can't afford it.

I was thinking about my birthday and I decided that there is a specific dress that I want to wear that day.  That dress is a size medium.  I am currently about an extra, extra large, the inch difference between the two sizes is 10 inches!  10!  UFTA!  But I think I can do it.  Will it be easy?  Clearly given the last few weeks, NO WAY!  But I will keep at it.  If I stop, that's when I will have failed.  I refuse.  There are two motivating factors, well 5, being healthy, not being the fat person in the group, the wedding next year, my birthday and the job.  The job is the thing that has really been driving me lately.

So that is my story this week.  Hard to face but at this point I can't go back in time and change it, so time to move forward.

Weigh In Day!

This week I kicked my booty, I ate well and it definitely paid off a bit!  I am down 2.4 lbs!  I'm going to be honest though, even though 2.4 lbs in one week is very good, I was hoping for closer to 5 lbs like the first week!  I kicked my booty, I ate well and I expected more.  HOWEVER!  I realize that I didn't put this weight on in 1 week and so I realize I'm not going to take it off in 1 week.  One day, one week, one month, one year at a time.  It's all small steps that lead to the big picture. I do realize however that as soon as my jury duty ends I need to get

on a much more rigid and hard core schedule.  Back to the videos in the morning and the gym after work.  No excuses. 

I found the actual requirements online for Washington State Law Enforcement fitness.  They were pretty much right on from what my friend had told me.  Now that this has been double confirmed I definitely know what to shoot for.  Plus the other day, I don't remember if I mentioned this already or not, I walked a half mile on a treadmill, took me 10 minutes! Unacceptable!  I need to cut it down by a 2/3!  That's going to take a minute.  

But it will be so worth it!  I was looking at pictures today to send my grandma on an SD card back to Poland. Let me tell you, it was so hard looking at this pictures.  Realizing that for the last about 20 years of my life I have been unhealthy and fat.  I don't have any pictures where I'm not the fatty in the group. My friends are thin and hot and there I am a big pile of human.  I remember the days that I took those pictures I felt good.  I thought I looked awesome, looking back at those pictures was hard.  It's almost as though my eyes have been opened.  Have I really been in denial this long?  It's scary to think that I deluded myself so much.  I realize now that the image I had in my head was not accurate.  My brain thought I was thin, but my body knew better.  It tried to tell me, it tried to warn me, but I didn't listen.  I am listening now.  I am paying attention and I am making conscious decisions.  It's no longer, "oh who will know if I don't tell anyone".  My body will know, and you all will know.  I plan on being honest and a bit brutal on this blog, about myself anyway.  :)

The Body

The body is a pretty amazing thing.  Last night I was so sore it hurt to turn the car. Today, while I was still sore I was able to drive just fine, lol.  :)  

I did go to the gym after work of course but it was a short and light work out.  By the time I got to the gym tonight there was only a half hour left before they closed.

I only had 5 points left for dinner because I decided to get a Subway in the morning and had a decent sized lunch.  I still managed to stay within my points for the day by having 2 eggs, a little bit of turkey deli meat cut up, some onion, mushrooms and rooster chili garlic sauce.  Pretty amazing dinner and very filling.  

Tomorrow I managed to get the day off!  Woot!  So I'm going to see about going to the gym down the street otherwise I will do some exercising at home.  :)  Definitely going to do some butt kicking tomorrow.  Excited to sleep in though.  :)

9/5/13

I kicked my butt at the gym and stayed within my WW points limit for the day. Pretty proud of myself.  :)  

How do you know you had a good workout? When you try to do weighted ab exercises and your body just says no and doesn't get up with the weights.  Another way, when turning the car? Your whole body hurts.  Yup, this is me tonight.   I am tired and about to go to bed.  Dinner was light, Cheerios and 2% milk and a peach.  Tomorrow I plan on going to the gym again.  Really excited about it.  My body is sore but I feel SO good.  Love this feeling.  I think I'm becoming addicted to it!  :)

Also, decided to keep that picture I put up earlier as a screen saver, always close at hand.  :)

A Scary Picture!

So a person on a WW Facebook group posted this picture and I find it very frightening.  I am not too far off from 250 and my my healthy weight would be around 120 so this really hits home. 

I knew about visceral fat but until I saw this picture it didn't really hit me.  

My poor organs!  My poor arteries and heart and lungs!  This makes me think of that movie Wall-E, a true horror movie.  

It's just another motivator.  Going to use this to fuel my fire.  Today after work I am off to the gym for sure. No excuses.  No backing down.  

A plus today though so far was I am down 2.4 lbs since August 16th.  Not a lot but glad that even with the gains I am still down.  Proves that my hard work isn't worthless.  It is making a difference. :)

Wednesday 9/4/13

Today was pretty awesome!  Went to court and I was super tired.  Eventually I had to take a Stay Awake pill to well... Stay Awake, lol.  :)  

During lunch I walked with a couple fellow juror ladies to Subway which is 0.3 of a mile away, down and then back up a steep hill, might I add I was wearing my fabulous blue "suede" knee high boots on about a 4 inch heal. Let me tell you, I did not think that Subway was that far away.  The way I choose to look at it though is at least I worked off some of that sandwich.  :)

After court I went to my friends house and we kicked our booties!  Not only did we do exercises on her elliptical but we also used her bench and weights.  

Slowly I have been increasing my time on the elliptical and today I did it again.  The increase proved a good idea.  Felt awesome.  We will see however how I feel tomorrow.  Lol.  :)  I started at being able to do only 5 minutes! Only about 2 weeks ago, now I'm up to 20 minutes!  Pretty excited about this.  :)

After the work out my friend fed me, she's an AMAZING cook!  This mind you can be a double edged sword. The better it is the more I want to eat, however I get an amazing and healthy meal.  Today she made rice, with shredded pork, salad and mango and avocado salsa to go on top of the pork.  13 points plus points for dinner.  Could have been more but I didn't put dressing on my salad(I know I'm kinda weird.)  :)

Bottom line - today was a great day.  Tomorrow it's the gym after work.  Woot!

A Small Hurdle Passed

Today on my way home from the WW meeting I was again having a bit of a self pity party about having gained weight.  There are at least 10 junk food restaurants between WW and my house, keep in mind that's not even counting Papa Murphy's and Teriyaki places or the Baskin Robins, Starbucks and all of the Subways.  Now you may be thinking Subways?  Subways isn't a junk food place, and if you can control yourself around them, then you are right, they are definitely a healthy option; however; as I confessed recently, I am a Subway addict and I can't have just half a sandwich.  Tried buying half, can't even manage that!  

Anyway getting back to my point, sorry I tend to blabber on at times. Lol.  :)

Anyway, I was driving home, with these many delicious options within a 4.3 mile distance and I had all intentions of allowing my pity party to take over and getting that Ultimate Cheeseburger from Jack in the Box.  But I thought of this blog and I thought of that job and I thought about that burger.  Would it taste good?  Yeah for the next few minutes while I devour it(I don't just eat those suckers, I DEVOUR!)  What it came down to though was that these few minutes were not worth the extra lbs that I had put on doing just that, throwing myself pity parties and buying the food to go along with it.  So I kept driving, I drove past that Taco Time, Jack in the Box, McDonald's, Wendy's and many, many more places all the way home.  

At home I took the left overs from last nights beef and veggies and I cut up the beef, cut up some extra mushrooms and made myself some scrambled eggs with beef, mushrooms and salsa.  It was fabulous!  Everything in it I would say it was about 12 points plus.  Let me tell you, so filling, it was well worth the points.  :)  Especially since I had them to spend.  :)

Rough Start

Today I went to weigh in and am sad to report that I was up 1.2 lbs.  In all honesty I did borderline expect it. Yes, I worked out(but only twice), yes, I danced some calories off (but let's be honest it wasn't that much.)

I tried to go to the sport complex after court but found out that they don't have a track field.  Boooo!  I did ask my WW group on Facebook if anyone knew of a track field in my area and was pointed to one.   So tomorrow I'm going to call them, their website didn't have much info, and find out when they are open to the public.  

Tomorrow after court I am going over to my friends house and we are going to use her weights, her elliptical, my work out ball and tension band.  Going to be a good work out.  Thursday, Friday and Saturday I'm going to the gym after work.  

Did laundry so all my workout clothes are clean.  Packing a gym bag with a weeks worth of clothes and gym shoes, putting it in my trunk, this way I don't have the excuse "I forgot my gym clothes".  

Tuesday, after Labor Day

Yesterday was Labor Day and so there was no court.  Today we are back in session.  I brought a change of clothes, work out pants, shirt and of course tennis shoes.  The plan is to go down to the sport complex by my house and try to run the mile, she how long it will take me.  I did a mile as you know in 11 minutes on the elliptical but I just don't think it's the same.  So today is the first attempt.  We will see how much I have to improve.  :)

9/2/13

Today, due to yesterday's fun times, I was much better about eating and dinner tonight consisted of some meat and veggies.  And half the day I spent organizing and doing laundry and ironing.  I put it off as long as I could but it has to be done.  Lol.  :)  The first half of the day was spent sleeping.  :)

Yesterday - 9/1/13

Yesterday, was a great day!  I went to work but only had a half day and then went to my friends house warming party. That was a day I had accepted that good decisions will not be made.  The alcohol and the food probably made for a weeks worth of points.  It was worth it though.  :)  The food was amazing and so were the drinks. Plus I worked off some calories with some dancing.  :)

Great Night

I have had a great night tonight but at what expense?  I had 2 - 24 oz beers and more then a couple BBQ chicken legs, some pork, some watermelon, chips, dip and a couple other things that in this condition I do not currently remember.  Thank God for auto correct!  Lol!  Never thought I'd say that.  

Anyway it was a good night and I have to admit even if I did go over my points for today it was worth it. The food was amazing and so was the company. 

Last night I did look up the proper form for a sit up and a push up.  I don't want to give them a reason to fail me.

I also downloaded an app that measures your laps and how long they were and so forth. Pretty excited about this.  I hope it helps.  :)

Dinner :)

After working out I was definitely not very hungry, sooooo tonight it's half of one of those small watermelons.  YUM!  Love, love, LOVE watermelon.  :)

P.S. - ended up eating half of a half!  Lol.  :)

Hello Tomorrow, Goodbye Yesterday

Today I was frustrated with work, but instead of falling into old habits and eating bad comfort food I went to the gym.  I did a mile in 11 minutes, and 1.36 miles in 15 minutes, given on the elliptical so I don't think it counts the same as a regular run mile, idk, but I think soon enough I will be able to hit the goals listed here. Time for change has arrived.  As the song goes, hello tomorrow, goodbye yesterday.  

Dinner!

A couple chicken legs, made via crockpot, some tiny cucumbers and an orange bell pepper!  Yum!  By the way this was my first attempt at chicken legs in the crockpot, it turned out pretty darn good!  Really though I think it's hard to screw anything up in a crockpot, so there ya go!  Lol!  :)

Butt Kicked

OWent to work and on the way home popped by the gym.  Butt kicking complete.  Felt sooooooo good!  I may be alone in this however I live the feeling of being tired and the sweat dripping down.  Makes me feel like I accomplished something a little extra.

I honestly didn't even realize how much I missed going to the gym until tonight when I made it back in and it felt so good.

I also noticed a significant improvement in my abilities.  Before, I'd do 10 minutes on the elliptical and is be pretty much done halfway through(sad, I know, but that's the truth).  Now 10 minutes and I'm done at 10 but halfway through I can keep going,   No problem.  :)

Also notice an improvement in my abs.  When I did a weighted crunch before I did 2 reps of 10 at 30 lbs, and really it was more like 4 reps of 5 because it hurt so bad.  Now I was able to do 4 reps of 10 with 30 lbs!  And while it wasn't easy peasy, I certainly didn't have to stop every 5!  Woot!  So excited!  Really making me feel like I can and will get in shape for the deputy sherif test and for my bday AND most importantly for my sisters wedding!  

Feeling buff and hot and like I can and will conquer the world!  Lol!  :)

P.S. - Let me add that while doing jury duty I am going to have to figure something out, this feeling is too awesome to not have it 5 days a week!  The gym is on my way home from work but very much out of my way when doing jury duty.  For those familiar with Washington state, I live in Graham (SE of Puyallup) and work in Redmond (super North), the gym is in Renton (half way between the two).  My friend lives now on my way from court heading home, AND she has an elliptical, a nice one, at her house, maybe I can convince her to let me come over and utilize it.  Hmmmmmmm..... Wheels in motion!  ;)

A Pet Peeve of Mine...

This is a pet peeve of mine.  People, stars or friends telling you oh you only live once, eat that unhealthy, calorie packed, artery clogging thing and these are the people that are thin and don't have issues with stopping eating when needed.  

You're right I do only live once and I want to live healthy, I don't want to clog my arteries.  

Ok, off my soap box now.  :)

Back to it...

Ok.  So last week and part of this week has been tough.  Last week, work was hard and it kinda kicked me down and around a bit.  Got discouraged and my will did not hold up well.  

This week due to having jury duty I weighed in Monday night instead of Tuesday in the morning.  I know that this is a flimsy excuse but due to the rough week and due to the changed weigh in time I GAINED 1.8 lbs.  I was extremely saddened and upset with myself.  I have a goal and I need to find a healthy way to deal with stress.  Food can't be my crutch.  A sweet treat is ok, but eating it to console your emotions is not a good way to deal with things. 

Now given I am technically still down from when I started but is that good enough?  Not to me.  This week has not started well either but I am going to improve it.  Court is Monday through Thursday and though I can guarantee that I will not be working out those days I can at the very least guarantee Friday and Saturday during this period. My Sundays are always out due to family dinners.  So for the next two weeks(at least) that I am supposed to be in court this is my goal.  Eat better and exercise 2 times a week.  It's by no means a perfect situation but for now this is where I need to start. 

Now on a separate topic, I have also set a new goal for myself in addition to my birthday and my sisters wedding.  My new goal is to be in health to pass the deputy sheriff exam in my area. I have always, since I was a little girl, wanted to be a cop and for some reason when I saw that job listing it hit me how much I want that still.  A friend of my recently took the physical to be a cop and so he filled me in on what I need to shoot for. Attached is a picture of my goal.  I can do this.  I have to do this.  I will do this.  I want to be someone who makes a difference and right now, even though I like my job, I'm not really making a difference. I didn't become a US citizen to be mediocre.  That's NOT acceptable.

 

Day Eight, Start Over

So today is technically day eight but since I only worked out twice last week and had 5 days off, even though I lost 5 lbs, I'm not going to count it. 

Starting over strong with a healthy crock pot lunch.  Beef, barley, cauliflower, beans and a jalapeño thrown in there.  Yummy!

Ummm yeah.....

So only 2 days really did I kick butt, apparently it helped though!  Down 5 lbs in one week!  Woot, woot!  :)  Imagine the possibilities with even more days! Ahhhhhh! Super excited and pumped! Renewed faith in my body!  Can't wait for this week!

Day Seven

Today is the last day of my first week of this new routine.  I definitely was not perfect but we will see if my stab at this proved helpful.  Today is my weigh in day at Weight Watchers.  The week before I lost when I really should have gained a couple lbs.  I hope that the efforts I put in this week will show up on the scale.  :)  I will keep you posted.  :)

Day Six

Yesterday I ended up sleeping most of the day, not good.  No exercise.  Oy.  I decided that I have to change my routine a bit to fit my life so that I can and will exercise.  This first week has definitely been a learning process.  Week 2 starts Wednesday and it will be better.  I refuse to give up. 

Day Five Wrap Up

Alright so I had all the best intentions for working out after work today, either with my sis to the DVD or by myself after she left.  My head started to pound though about an hour before she left and even with Excedrin (which normally does wonders for me) my head is still pounding.  Going on a couple hours now.  Ugh.  So I'm going to try to knock out and try again tomorrow.  Weekends may be harder then I anticipated, especially with the DVD and only one break day a week.  I'm going to have to figure this out though. I REFUSE to give up. I will be thinner by my bday, by A LOT!  I think I can, I think I can, I KNOW I CAN!!!!  :)

Alright going to knock out and start fresh tomorrow. No excuse Monday!  ;)  Good night all!

Day Five!

Almost a week in, still doing pretty well.  Breakfast was healthy and dinner is in the crockpot.  Sundays are normally family dinner night? Just papa, my sis and I.  Making pork for dinner in the crockpot.  Going to be delicious!  :)

Breakfast is quick oats with banana.  Not going to lie, first try and not loving it, prefer oatmeal.  :)

Day Four

Yesterday was day 4 and I was supposed to do the DVD after work but forgot that I had a work event after, bowling with the coworkers.  So even though I didn't do the video it was an hour of sweating.  :)   

This was me trying a different approach, didn't work out much better then the regular way.  I did discover that I am AWFUL at bowling!  45 points in 10 frames!  

Day Three....Delayed

OK, well yesterday was my rest day and I took advantage of it, I didn't even post!!!  EEEKKKK!  So here it is now.  Yesterday I didn't go to the gym I didn't do any videos, but I did still eat pretty well.

While I did have a bit of a slip with Subway(my name is Dorota and I am a Subway addict).  I did eat well the rest of the day.  I  find that with Subway I always say oh I will get a foot long and have half now and half later, it never really works that way.  Those toasted Oven Roasted Chicken Breast sandwiches are like crack for me, I can’t stop at half.  :(  This just makes me realize though, I have to change what I do.  I know I won’t eat just half, so I’m going to have to spend a little more and buy a 6 inch each time.

I will post again tonight about day 4.  :)